影子-引子

西藏那儿传说，人的影子沾些人的精神气，日光越好，影子越清晰，精神气越足。若是万里无云，到了正午，影子缩到人的脚下，便有了自由，随意游荡，在有光的地儿留遍足迹。只是日色稍偏了正午，四处游荡的影子便不得不回到主人身边，慢慢地被拉长。到了晚上，夜幕将影子们糅合在一团，到了次日，这些影子便忘却了他日的见闻，只能默默地被缩短，享受片刻的自由，被拉长，而后再次失忆。

入山

斗雪松风，桂殿寒宫，魁杓北辰，倚杖斜行，浅浅深深。

痴人说梦

“《梅花三弄》其实弄的不是梅花。“老周得意地笑了。

”啊？为什么？“也生一脸茫然。

”梅花三弄，梅花三弄，梅花怎么弄？拨弄乐器可以，梅花弄了不就没了么？怎么三弄？“老周更得意，开始掉书包。”你知道著名词人李清照吗？她有一曲‘笛声三弄，梅心惊破‘，写得就是笛子声音悦耳，梅花听了笛声就开了。就是这个意思。“

也生哦了一声，便不搭腔。

靖节先生有《责子诗》，云：

白发被两鬓，肌肤不复实，虽有五男儿，总不好纸笔。阿舒已二八，懒惰故无匹。阿宣行志学，而不爱文术。雍端年十三，不识六与七。通子垂九龄，但觅梨与栗。天运苟如此，且进杯中物。

黄鲁直跋语甚妙：“观靖节此诗，想见其人，慈祥戏谑可亲，俗人便谓渊明诸子皆不肖，而渊明愁叹见于诗尔，所谓痴人前不得说梦也。“

何须多言。

老周

老周本来不是老周，只是叫得人多了，叫得习惯了，周昌也就给叫老了。

在老周还是小周的时候，他还是一位有志青年。他遍读史书，志在四方，常有“燕雀安知鸿鹄之志”的感慨。周家是典型的中产，不愁吃穿，偶有闲财。小周怀揣抱负，上了所不错的高中，大学读了个吃香的专业，顺风顺水，毕业有了挺有前途的工作。此时的小周，没忘记自己的理想，时时考虑着一鸣惊人，施展宏图抱负。

小周长得不赖，加上他背景优良，很招人喜欢。他不缺同性朋友，异性朋友也有一些。有个女孩他特别欣赏，百般追求，总算建立的关系。随着关系深入，双方又认识到互相的缺点，于是和平分手。这时，小周又想到了自己的抱负。“嗯，先谋业，再谋家。”他暗暗下着决心，也为自己很快从失恋中走出而更加自信。

此时小周已经近三十了，身边似乎总有忙不完的事儿。同事依赖于他，老板总会给他派重要的任务。他在股市上有投入，又刚买了房子，占去他不少精力。他感觉身体已经没二十岁出头那么有精力了，总是很注意养生，早睡早起。他迷上了摄影与户外，偶尔有时间便出去放放风。一次徒步中，风景秀丽处，他结识了一位女孩儿，小他三岁，正是他喜欢的类型。两人迅速坠入爱河，结婚，不在话下。

婚后的生活总是让人有些迷惑。小周，不，此时已是周叔，和他的妻子琳儿，没想到结婚并不是两人一起生活那么简单。两人的每日的磨合，交际圈的融合，两个家庭之间的交流，税务的计算，工作及生活日程之间的互相迁就，有条不紊地进行。周叔和琳儿彼此都是温和的人，偶有争执，最终能退一步海阔天空。后来他们有了爱情的结晶，两人的联结更加的紧密。家中有了小孩的哭闹撒娇声，本来夫妻间的那片安静的自留地再也荡然无存。

于是年轻人便来向周叔讨教齐家的窍门。“哈哈，这样的，你得找个好老婆……”周叔总是很得意的向他的后辈们传教。后辈们和周叔愈发地亲近，“周叔”干脆改口成了“老周”，而老周也不以为意，挺喜欢这个称呼。

有天，一个挚友介绍我给老周。我提着烟酒礼品上门，进门，就看见老周十三四岁的小孩儿很有礼貌的向我问好，顺手提了礼品，进内屋去了。老周也迎了上来，问寒问暖，让我倍感亲切。

我：“老周，我想仗剑云游四方，不知您怎么看？”

周：”年轻人，好想法，很像我年轻时候！“

我：”您是怎么做的？“

周：“……只是老了不中用啦！”

老周是老了，可是，当年的那个意气风发气吞斗牛的小周究竟去了哪儿呢？

我还是怀念那个小周。

分合

近来读了陈羡的《纵横十六国》，看得心力交瘁。其实书本身写得很平实易读，从前赵的建立到北凉的灭亡，前后一百三十五年，每条线索写得清楚。只是短短百年跨度，十几个政权的更迭交替，甚至凉州一度同存五个政权，要看得明白谈何容易？手边没有很好的历史地图，将来得拿上地图再翻翻这段历史。

天下大势，分久必合，合久必分。本来万分豪情，想纵横史观，谈笑历史上的分分合合，从古时褒姒烽火台上的一笑写到桓温垂柳前的一叹，从现今中国孤悬海外的一岛写到脱离欧洲的一国，笔下生涩，力不从心，还是写些小事，写些我熟悉的事儿。比如，山，水，云，月。

一瞥

“我的产品用户逐渐多起来了，数据量增加，所以现今的数据框架逐渐会落后……”

林霖陷在公司阳台上的沙发里，和同事有的没的闲扯。西雅图的秋风和煦，近黄昏的日光映在脸上，暖暖的，令人满心愉悦。林霖伸着腿，打了个哈欠，打算偷懒到下班。”那儿几个小山头没去看过，回去计划下，周末瞅瞅。“他瞥了一眼南方耸起的山脉，心中畅想无限。

阳台的入口门被推开，走进来一群人影，其中有个女子，身材窈窕，林霖不禁多看了几眼，然而背着光不十分真切。走道蜿蜒，待那群人近了，林霖漫不经心地又瞥一眼。

毫无防备的一瞥。

“木梅？！”

林霖惊得脖颈僵硬，心脏狂跳，汗珠几乎要冒出来，险些失声。木梅是林霖的大学同学，也是他思慕两年的对象，可惜直至毕业各奔东西，依然仅是思慕。

“她不是在欧洲吗？为什么？为什么？”

一周的疲劳，让林霖的视线有些模糊，定睛才勉强将焦距对齐。是她！笑靥灿然依旧，即使面无表情也让人感到无限亲切。她双眸狭长，笑起来总会眯着眼，长长的睫毛后隐藏着一对明亮乌黑的珍珠。隆起的鼻子，带着东南亚血统特有的下弯弧度，不是俗世崇尚的挺拔的鼻梁，却自有可人之处。她的脸上洋溢日光，透着青春的自信，淡黄的肤质稍有些黑，是阳光的颜色。她的五官并非精致，但造物者将它们刻在木梅的脸上，却显出非凡的魅力。林霖不止一次疑惑过，难道只有自己能看出如此的魅力吗？

林霖只是痴痴地凝视，静静地欣赏，竟不知将视线收回。木梅觉察到身旁那炙热的探寻目光，低下头，莫名地看着林霖，似乎有些惊讶。

四目相对。仿若荒野黑夜中，大地四寂，稀疏的树枝犹如魍魉鬼魅，远处似有磷火飘动。霎那间，乌云让开了一条缝，那最亮的星光一倾而下，落入眼前一泊潭水，浅层纯银的冰与星交相辉映。

林霖确乎看见了启明星。

但启明星只有一瞬，因为她不是木梅。木梅没有这么高。

林霖慌张地顾左右而言他，又和同事大侃技术设计，待“木梅”一行路过远去。林霖有些尴尬。“这人竟然这么像木梅！难道是姐姐吗？”林霖满身是汗，心中突然有些喜悦，甚至，希望？

行记：冬季风暴

暴雨裹着冰雹在车窗上炸开，碎裂成无数的冰晶，铺面印在也生的视线里。雨刷已开到最高档，仍显得有气无力地抹去肆虐的水花与冰雪。车窗的正面，侧面，上面，后面全部沦陷在风暴无情地轰炸之下，车身成了一个巨鼓，密集猛烈雨点锤击，在车厢内的砯然作响。车又仿佛是一个战壕，炮弹在身前身后爆炸，麻痹了藏匿其处也生的听觉。他恍惚间有了幻觉，竟分不清车窗上溅起的是冰花，还是砸碎车窗的玻璃渣。忐忑间他眯起了眼睛，等待着车窗沦陷风暴涌入的一刻。地图上显示前方尚有七英里。这不是穿越七英里的风暴，而是穿过七英里厚的瀑布！耳边的隆隆之声中杂了些同伴们的恐慌的吼声。”慢点！慢点！回头！回头！“吼声击溃了也生最后的心理防线。他驶入了一处歧路，掉转车头。

数英里后，雨声渐歇。

“Ao, you had a perfect poker face! Were you not worried?" 同行的小M问。

"Actually I was really scared."也生叹了口气。

"Ao was scared!"小M向身边的小A惊讶道。

"No, I was joking. I was perfectly calm."也生无表情的面容咧开了轻松嘴角。同伴一愣，满车的又炸开了笑声。

读记：生命中不能承受之轻

近来书读书本，无一令我深有感触。昆德拉此书似是例外，然而国政家事，宗教伦理，生别死憾，激荡胸中千言，竟不知如何落笔。几周前读完此书，本以为时间能让思想沉淀，不想时间亦能让思想远去。既不能言，不如不言。

行记：Gem Lake

又是一天阴雨！适时为我第二次冒雨徒步，添置的Goretex Marmot Shell派上了用场，只是尺码偏大。加上大号的防雨裤，颇是臃肿。想想古人“竹杖芒鞋轻胜马”，一顶斗笠，一双草鞋，隐居山云深处，说来似乎颇是形轻志清如若仙人，平生烟雨潇洒如此，想来实是烟雨中行步不便，只有隐者能解。

Gem Lake途经Snow Lake，然而体积仅有后者几分之一。二者路径初始点位于西城以东六十迈处。我与同伴大鹏抵达起始点，午时初始，云层低垂，欲雨未雨，风动凌凌。路中泥泞，行出不足二里，气温低至露点，雨丝飘散。至Snow Lake湖边，雨声已渐大。

却见云挟裹湖对岸的竖直山崖，驾着风，遮住满眼。山色寒冷，更显清幽。高远处岩岫间卧着几块雪，懒懒地从春天的雪流，总算是耽到了深秋的冰雨，在云后看得不十分真切。水气隔开了青色石壁的倒影，水中半是幽绿的松翠，半是云流雾绕的半裸的岩壁的倩影。云幕更加深处，是亘古楚地神秘的梦泽，不必说那神女的曼妙舞姿，只是云雨之间的模糊，足以让人想入非非。陶诗有”停云霭霭，时雨濛濛“之句。靖节先生独酌于东轩，览半山春雨，何必感叹时运？

秋风雨

千山卷尽丹一路，孤灯慢理兰两枝

读记：《三体》

又是一部令我双眼干涩红肿三周的书。这种书读多了须得折寿的。

但《三体》确实好看。

此书从文革时期一则往事讲起，想象了宇宙亿万年后的发展。文革时期，天体学者叶文洁饱经迫害，出于对人类社会的失望与仇视，向太空广播了求助信息，希求外太空高等智慧生物降临地球，纠正人类的错误，建立理想世界。八年后，四光年外的三体世界回函地球，于是故事从此展开。叶建立了地球三体组织，以联合志同道合者，成为三体世界在地球的叛徒。三体组织使用虚拟现实游戏招募人员，而政府部门顺藤摸瓜，发现了三体组织在中国的一个分支，并使用纳米线战术歼灭了三体核心领导层，获取了三体世界的信息。原来，三体世界是外太空的高度文明体，其科学技术水平远远领先地球。在三体，即三个恒星相互作用的天体运动中，其周围环绕的行星不断被吞噬，而其时仅存三体文明所栖息的行星。三体行星自然条件恶劣，当得知地球拥有优良的环境资源后，遣送大规模侵袭舰队， 预计四世纪后到达地球。同时，三体向地球发射三枚由高维坍缩而成的智能粒子先舰队一步到达地球。智能粒子简称智子，主要用于干扰地球的粒子加速器，使基于实验的地球物理基础无法继续进化突破。同时智子以高速穿梭人类社会，实时为三体高层监听人类动向。

在自身科技被锁死，而所有决策行动都被智子掌控的情况下，联合国启动了面壁人计划。面壁人计划针对的是三体人思想的透明性，即所有想法都绝对真实，没有欺骗与计谋。而面壁人计划故名思议，即由面壁人在自己的思想中构建计划，如此才能避免智子的监视，同时有权动用巨大的人类资源已实现自己的计划。面壁人不需要向任何人报告计划内容。面壁计划可以表面上十分荒谬，以欺骗三体文明。计划选举四个人类代表，泰勒，雷迪亚兹，西恩斯，以及罗辑。地球三体组织相应选出破壁者，用以识破面壁者的计划。

泰勒原为美国防部长，他的计划冷酷无情：组织大规模太空舰队，在三体舰队来袭之时，使用球星闪电攻击己方舰队，使之离子化，再组织离子化的人类舰队幽灵反击三体。计划由破壁者识破，泰勒自杀。雷迪亚兹更为冷血：在水星放置使用高吨位氢弹以威胁三体，否则将以氢弹轰击太阳，使之膨胀而吞没整个太阳系，侵略双方将鱼死网破。计划被识破。而由于计划毁灭人类的性质，雷迪亚兹 被愤怒的祖国人民投石致死。西恩斯另辟蹊径：使用机器将军官的思想中嵌入恒久的执念，称为“思想钢印”。表面上这种思想钢印是为了修正军队中日益严重的逃亡主义，而实际上，钢印巩固了逃亡主义。钢印族在战争中将背负着逃亡的使命，以使人类在世界覆灭中留存血脉。此计划被西恩斯的妻子破壁，失败。

罗辑成功了。他是唯一一位被三体世界重视并追杀的面壁者，也拥有宏伟构想的面壁者中的唯一另类。他本是一位混吃混喝没有追求的大学天体学教授，当选为面壁者后，动用政府资源为个人的潇洒风流。他的“宇宙社会学”，起初只是自己在受叶文洁启发后的思想玩物，却最终为后来的三体-地球平衡奠定了理论基础。”宇宙社会学“最重要的一点即是“黑森林理论”：在宇宙中不止地球一处文明，但宇宙之广阔，使得文明之间难以知道相互间的存在。若知道了，两个文明之间将会互相猜疑，因为双方都不知道对方是否是善意的。即是自己善意，也不知道对方是否知道自己的善意，相对的，也不知道对方是否知道自己知道对方是善意的。如此往复，猜疑的结果只 能以一个文明的消亡而告终。因此，在黑森林宇宙中，一个文明只有躲在暗处才能保证安全。正如在黑暗森林中游走的神经紧绷的猎人，当看见道旁树干上标出的坐标，一定会去那个坐标将对方消灭，不论是谁。而地球，则是一个在森林中升起篝火的孩子，大声呼喊：”我在这儿！我在这儿！“一颗三体的子弹紧接着擦面而过。惊慌的地球得知自身危险的同时，也了解了对方的坐标。而罗辑的计划，便是以宇宙广播三体的坐标来威胁三体世界。

然而，未及发出威胁，由于地球三体组织的基因导弹，罗辑患不治急症而被迫冬眠，前往两百年后的地球。与此同时，地球联合防御舰队军官章北海被委以重任进入冬眠，前往世纪后的未来，以指导未来的宇宙舰队，纠正逃亡失败主义。

而后人类文明经历的大低谷，威胁纪元，广播纪元，掩体纪元，以致万亿年后，文明仅剩的两名人类从自己的小宇宙中回归大宇宙，标志人类文明的终结，我的(懒病发作）秃笔无法描述万分之一的精彩，至此不提也罢。

宇宙没有恒定的发展趋向，也没有确定的宿命。“分久必合，合久必分”是东方人的观念，民主公平是西方的追求，然而，两者也仅是地球众多思潮的两股而已。换而言之，仅仅是广阔宇宙中纤纤浮尘上的些许碳水化合物的生物电作用而已。若是人能进化到四维以至更高维度，就能发现每时每刻都有无数选择。昨天与今天时间的维度之差，便如同华盛顿湖与麦金利峰的空间之差，人可以选择活在过去，亦可以选择将来。即便如此，依旧有更高维度的限制。在高纬度的宇宙看来，达到时间的维度亦是尔尔。然而渺小的一切，却又是生活的全部。以人一生数十年的短暂，去忧虑千亿年以至恒久的过去与将来，妄矣。呼吸之间，此生已尽。既不能追求时间的跨度，何不侣鱼虾友麋鹿，尽吾生所能，踏遍四方？

Reading note: Sapiens: a brief history of humankind (final)

Totally mind-blowing.

This is one of the few books that changed how I looked at the world. However, the book is so complex and profound that it is impossible to write some reading notes without writing another small book.

That being said, I can still put some points here for reference. One's happiness is subject to chemical reaction. Certain chemicals such as dopamine, can affect how one perceives happiness. Does that mean, in order to achieve happiness in life, we should just obey the chemical system and try to secrete/inject as much dopamine as we can? Non-sense. Happiness consists not only the chemical reaction, but is also decided by whether one is doing something meaningful that satisfies one's life. A recent research showed that it is decided by several factors, the most important being one's expectation of his/her life. If one's expectation is low, he/she is more likely to be happy, and vice versa. Other things, including the community that supports him/her, his/her family, and money of course, also matter to certain extent. This remotely resembles Lao Tzu's saying "See and think frugally".

But it is opposite to the culture we live in. People are brought up in an education that encourages us to be ambitious, entrepreneurial, adventurous. Take my company's culture for example. We brand slogans like "Be bold", "What would you do if you weren't afraid?"and "Do things and ask for forgiveness later", and people love those slogans. Unfortunately, in the historical perspective, those are just the brainchildren of our generation, whereas never had a previous generation advocated those spirits as much as we do. They wanted good citizens to be modest, lenient and meek. Well, not so much. That is true only to certain generations in certain regions of the world, while in other regions and other times, cultures are completely different. If you place yourself in a cosmic historical settings, what you believe firmly today would be bullshit tomorrow. Nothing is forever true. You like free market? Sure. It wasn't even a thing a thousand years ago. You think love is the goal of life? And honesty is the essential goodness? And we should respect science? Each statements only hold true in a certain period of time, but never from the start of time, and may not be true in a hundred years.

Homo sapiens broke the natural selection, which is the norm of evolution for millennials. Creatures survive if they adapt to their environment better than others, so they are more likely to pass their genes to inheritors. The bird's ancestor didn't think about having feathers because they would help it to fly. All happened by random mutation. This may no longer the case, because Homo Sapiens invented gene engineering, so they can direct the evolution of living things, even themselves. They may one day introduce cyborgs, hybrid beings of the organics and the inorganics, or make superhuman. Gene engineering may fundamentally change how we think, how the society is structured, and how human relationship functions. Oh did I mention "human"? Will we still be the same species then? The future is beyond imagination. All our imaginations are simulations of our thoughts, and reflection of the reality. When things become completely different, how do we want what we want?

I don't see a definite blueprint of the future in 100 years, nor does anyone. All I know, however, is to live within the current time. 活在当下。

读记：柴静《看见》

读《看见》只用了两天，思考与反刍却耗费了两周。放下书的千万种感慨，总算在淬铁的冷静中，逐渐凝固成文字的实体。

其实本不愿写读后感。柴静的一本小书中反应的社会传统以来独善其身的冷漠，弱势少数群体在夹缝中的苟活，作者个人的反思与成长经历，历十年，我短短为文草草结之，总是有些轻率。然而书中字里行间的那种关怀与责任感，以及掩卷闭目心头的沉重感，又使我不得不扫来几笔，不吐不快。

鲁迅当年弃医从文，为拯救国民秉性的麻木不仁。当一个社会，对一个丑陋的现象漠视麻木，是一件可怕的事。何必提当年那张百姓围观同胞被杀害而拍手称快直呼万岁的幻灯片呢？柴静提供了很好的一个例子：一个小区，业主委员会为了减少物业费，在小区内发起投票，结果大部分人支持，于是业委会向物业公司发起诉讼。胜诉。物业公司非但不减免物业费，反而将小区水电停了。于是业主大闹委员会，认为是委员会多管闲事才导致这种状况，甚至扬言要杀掉委员主任。结果发现，闹事的业主之前并没有参与投票，既没有赞成，也没有反对，只有漠视。不寒而栗。我的妈妈是自家小区业委会一员，而我，也见识过业主只要不驯自己意见了，便匿名举报放冷箭，至于别的单元的影响百户居民的事，则选择性失明。这是自私，是公共利益观念的缺失。然而，何管别人瓦上霜，是我自小接受的教育，可我更怀念墨家的侠义精神，急人之所急；怀念孟子的天下为己任的大儒；也怀念船山的天下兴亡，匹夫有责。为什么咱们在个人的僻径上失道渐远？

柴静记者很可爱，因为她对于那些已经被社会边缘化的群体，甚至是看似罄竹难书罪无可赦的恶人，也能尽量已客观态度，去理解与宽容。如前些年踩猫事件的主人，她能从经济利益，以及特殊的受众群体角度去采访他人，揭示对象的内心感受，而非痛打落水狗。如非典时期，一家甲级医院院长，为了达到国际卫生部的评价优等，在检查时派遣医疗车带着非典病人在北京市区游荡。他做错了事吗？是的。他是坏人吗？无解。世上有做好事坏事的人，而没有坏人与好人。柴静记者冒生命危险，采访病人，采访院长，深层揭露院长的悔恨，与当初决定的草率。文字中，没有谴责，没有诅咒，没有怨言，而有的，是对事实真相的客观写照，与对院长的内心深度写照。她并没有给他人贴上善恶的标签，发配到恶意的荒原，永世不得翻身。同样的，同性恋，误判犯，流浪中国的德国“废人”，僻远乡村集体自杀的小学生，汶川地震灾区的难民，社会众生，在柴静的笔下，都是需要被了解与关注的群体。

掩卷，心情依然压抑，却有着希望。谢谢柴静，谢谢陈虻，谢谢如此这般的记者。

鸡汤与肠癌

四星期的素食主义，令我精神萎靡杂念四起，似乎已伤元神。胡思乱想中，听说一个叔叔死于肠癌。记得八九年前，他和我说自己在中纪委如何左右他人生死。现今，五十来岁的他即将步入副部级，却止乎天命。年轻时他为权利拼搏，饭局酒作水喝，精神压力极大，而家庭又不幸福，夫妻两家隔阂甚深。叔叔一死，两家最后的纽带便已切断，终是老死不相往来。

叔叔死后葬于八宝山，是只有当权者埋葬之处，期限二十年。若是妻子死了，但是级别不够，则得把丈夫迁出墓地，否则无法合葬。社会名流 想要葬在这风水宝地， 则需付高额 费用。古有“崩薨卒不禄殁”之分，今世死亦分三六九等。呜呼哀哉！

当日叔叔在病榻喃喃：“这一切都不是真的。”照顾他的老乡文化不高，问到：”那我也不是真的吗？“千言万语，不如眼前鸡汤。抿一口，略微烫口，那样香浓。

胡扯：若是一棵树

一个朋友收集写作素材，问我若是一棵树将作何想。此处索性胡扯一番：

想象一幅图画：一弯青色抹就的月牙，躲在薄纱的云后，偷偷觑着山腰一颗孤零零的树，却不知那含情脉脉的月色已然撒上树梢。树上栖着一巣夜莺，仿佛自树初具规模便已在此筑起小屋。它欢鸣，然后独奏变成了双声部，而后许多稚嫩的童音也参了进来，孤零零的树一瞬间欢腾了起来。这棵树不知从哪儿钻出来的，仿佛是天上落下的一只树苗，不偏不倚地杵在这了无人烟之处。春来秋去，或枝叶峻茂，或风动枯枝，莺歌月摇，树就一直那么杵着。

此树或许是我吧。

杂记：登山

在山野中总有些意外收获。或是Camp Muir之旅，在Mt Rainier的广袤高耸的山峰冰壑之中，翻滚呼喊的墜石，远远的传来隆隆的声响，正合李太白诗中“砯崖转石万壑雷”；或是Mt Shasta孤高的峰顶猎猎风动，是老杜“冥冥孤高多烈风”。远离城市，偶有映证诗词意象的机缘，很是难得，只是怕书到用时方恨少，眼前美景千万，肚里空空，岂非晋君听琴？

读记：《志摩全集》（二）

领略艺术与看山景一样，只要你地位站得适当，你这一望一眼便吸收了全景的精神；要你“远视”的看，不是近视的看；如其你捧住了树才能见树，那时即使你不惜工夫一株一株的审查过 去，你还是看不到全林的景子。所以分析的看艺术，多少是杀风景的：综合的看法才对。

--《济慈的夜莺歌》

总能不经意间有共鸣，仿佛夜间忽然传来夜莺的歌，心痛神醉。

你我从今起对爱的生活负有做到他十全的义务。我们应得努力。我们的爱，并不浅薄。即使有道德罅隙，也是最精纯完美的。

-- 《爱眉小札：日记》：

恋情中总是如此，只是诗人的感触更加细腻，苦闷也愈加深刻。志摩是幸还是不幸？

Reading Note: Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind (2)

One again, I saw the controversial topic: the agricultural revolution is the biggest trap in human history.

Before Homo sapiens adapted to the life of farming, they lived the life of foragers and gatherers. They spent on average 3 hours per day for gathering food, and the rest of their day at their leisure. They took in multi-nutritional food and lived free life. Compared to our ancestors' life, the agricultural Homo sapiens lived more miserably. Their whole life was tied to the growing of wheat, rice, potatoes, and other staples, spending endless hours toiling under the sun.  They had less leisure time, and their single source of food--wheat/rice--made them malnutrtional, whereas their ancestors were able to gather and hunt all types of food, wild berries, figs, wheat, nameless vegetations and mammals.

The tie to a single source of staple, though in total sum exceeded what gathers could have gathered in the wilderness, nonetheless made human lives less secure. A band of gatherers were able to move to the next stop when the current stop ran out of food, but farmers were tied to their lands. When a famine stroke, they were doomed. They also suffered more from home-borne diseases. Smallpox and many other horrifying epidemics were transmitted from home pests to Homo sapiens. In comparison, hunter-gatherers were always on the move, so there's less time for diseases to spread. Even if a whole band was struck down, they were separated from other bands; thus, epidemics would be less likely to foment.

The controversy of agricultural revolution is essentially a discussion on the significance of individual sufferings and species prosperity. It is tempting to say now, thousands of years after the revolution, that the revolution is the necessary foundation for the current wealthy society, but remember, to a starving man thousands of years ago because of famine, you would never convince him:"You suffering is necessary for my wealthy life thousands of years later."

It is thus insufficient to measure the success of a species solely by the number of living units that carry the species' DNA. Individual life quality also matters. Chickens and cattle are probably one of the most successful species from evolution and natural(human) selection, as they are populated over the world, but, individual chick or cattle suffered. Chicken raised for their meat are slaughtered when they are a few months of old, while they could have lived for years. Female cattle are constantly fertilized throughout their life for milk. Their offsprings are usually separated from their mothers the time they were born. Some cattle are raised in a small cage, so their muscle are not grown, so they can turn into juicy steaks in plates. Are they successful? Yes, and no.

读记：《志摩全集》（一）

我太喜欢志摩了！我将呐喊，我将高呼，我将亲吻这孩童般真性情的诗人作家。记得开篇的一篇悼文中写志摩，在英国的雨中冲入朋友家门，激动地拉住朋友的手便往外冲。“彩虹！”年轻的诗人头也不回，又冲入雨中。这就是志摩，精力旺盛，情感充沛，纯真至性的志摩。

人们本来都是会飞的，只是大部分人到了人世，长大了，便忘记了飞行。有些人翅膀的羽毛脱落了，有些人把翅膀去当铺抵押了，有些人的翅膀被胶水粘住了。志摩，只有飞翔与徜徉。

我辈俗人，不知所言。

Reading Note: Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind (1)

I came across this book from Zuck's book recommendation list, and have been enjoying reading the first two chapters so far.

The first two chapters talked about the physical evolution of Homo sapiens (the wise man), and its unique ability to talk about fiction and the consequences. Homo sapiens did not stand out from other species of animals until recently. One physical characteristic of sapiens is its large brain volume, which enabled it to think more intellectually. However, it was hard to tell if that was a blessing or cursing at the ancient savannah age, because a larger brain means more energy is needed to sustain it, whereas those energy could have been diverted to develop strong muscle. From the better side, large brains enabled sapiens to build tools, such as stone arrows and axes. One quite interesting theory was that Homo were talented marrow hunters, because only Homos could use their stone tools to crack open bones and suck marrow, possibly from the carrions of larger animals' game.

Another interesting fact is that sapiens were adapted to stand on two legs, which limited their pelvis sizes, inevitably making them smaller. As a result, females were having a hard time to give birth to new borns. By natural selection, those females giving birth prematurely, thus having smaller infants, could give birth more easily, so humans ended up being born prematurely, as compared to other animals. A kitten may live independently when it was still several-week-old, but human toddlers are helpless for several years, if not dozens. This makes it hard for a mom to raise a child by herself--a tribe/band's resources may be needed to raise a single child, thus those who have better social skills survived.

By the way, did I mention that Homo sapiens were not the first Homo to stand on two legs? Homo erectus were. Strictly speaking, we are not the only human species that ever existed, but the only surviving human species. Other species existed too, such as Neanderthals. There are two theories of why we were the only surviving species. One was that we drove all other species into extinction; the other was that they got mixed into our species through mutual breeding. While the latter being politically incorrect (because it suggests different races are actually genetically different), I was more interested in why sapiens won over other species. The ability of our language to describe fiction was the answer. We can describe abstract things, such as "God", "faith", and "patriotism". Those provides a way of cooperation between a large group. In a small group--a group less the size of magical number 150--members are able to cooperate through intimate relationship, through gossips and rumors. Yes in a large group, say a middle sized Chinese city of one million people, it is impossible to know all other 999,999 people intimately, yet we are still able to live together and function as a city. The basis was a common acknowledgement of fiction, in this case, a sense of a country, of us being in a city that we need to protect and develop. This sense only exists in human imagination, and could only be developed upon a genome basis.

Reading Note: Life of Pi (2)

Done with the book. Pretty good story for a casual read!

Does the author want to convey some meaning about life? Apparently. You only believe what you  see. This is from the scene at the ending of the book, when Mexican custom officers interrogated Pi of the cause of shipwreck. Neither of the officers believed Pi's story of survival on a life boat with an adult Bengal tiger for ~220 days, of the zebra, the orangutan, and the hyena, of the carnivorous island, of the blind Frenchman who got devoured by Richard Parker. Ironically, when Pi told them a second story that's metaphorically close the real one but "without animals", the officers found it disgusting and horrible, and had to admit that the first one was more interesting.

If I have to contrive some deeper meanings for the story, I will relate to the starting of the book, when Pi was a pious boy--pious to the God, not to a specific religion. The thing that kept popping up through Pi's torment was Vishna, St. Mary, Salvation, and Hallelujah. He always had a grateful heart. Even when they made it to the bank of Mexico, Pi was murmuring in his gratefulness toward Richard Parker, who had been a life threat throughout the trip and was leaving him unceremoniously, that he wouldn't have survived without R.P. being around.  

tl;dr: grateful heart, and open-mindedness. One may well start exploring how this is relevant to the current refugee crisis and terrorism, but enough is enough. I don't think the author expected shoulder such a heavy political burden when he wrote the book.

箫的哀婉，笛的跳脱，琵琶的铿锵：听《青空》

谭宝硕是我很喜欢的笛箫演奏者。《青空》是其于日本留学时创作的钢琴，琵琶及笛箫的合奏曲，具体背景可参见所附链接。

开篇此曲以箫声铺下一个哀婉空廓的背景，不带凄迷，而是纯粹的不加掩饰的哀，而箫的声质本身所带有的旷远将这种哀情愈加渲染升华。间，箫以一个短音结尾，同时琵琶一声裂帛，《十面埋伏》的排兵布阵感炸裂般弥漫，铿锵的节奏感瞬间敲击人的神经。笛声介入，灵活的吐音，跳跃的节奏，一洗开篇的哀情。这一段很有些北派笛爽朗明快的感觉。

私自认为若是末尾高潮处能以琵琶引领全曲，或许能仿《埋伏》，令听者心惊肉跳，只是不知是否会符合作者的初衷？

Reading Note: Life of Pi (1)

Having just finished reading half of the book LIfe of Pi, I am writing some random notes (I hope to force myself to scribble something other than codes every now and then):

It was a quite an interesting read. I wouldn't say it was a great book, something at the same level as say, War and Peace, but for casual book reapers it is a good appetizer. Other than the well known plot of the book, famed by its movie, about an Indian guy managed to coexist with an adult Bengal tiger after a ship wrack on the Pacific ocean, another pearl from the book is the author's control of the language, straightforward and humorous. He never tried to decorate profusely some intricate philosophy of  religion, but each word conveyed some meaning that was really easy to grasp. 

Talking about humor, one scene I liked was when the priests (or someone equivalent in other religions) of Christianity/Muslim/Hinduism caught the boy Pi while he was on a walk with his parents. All of the priests thought Pi was a pious worshipper of his own religion, never realizing that he actually converted to all three religions, at the same time. Apparently, a bicker broke out between three priests, and when they interrogate, essentially, which religion Pi was really into, Pi, innocently, said:"I just want to love god!" Three priests smiled, unnaturally, and turned away. I just couldn't stop laughing reading this piece, which was somewhat intentionally sarcastic? More related revealing are probably coming in the next half, so next time.

记一位远游的好友

她回眸，一束仲春的阳光划过西雅图浓厚的云朵，恰好洒落在笑靥上，转眼间随着她的笑意，温暖地扩散开来。先是从眼睛生发出光芒，而后是嘴，连鼻子也调皮地皱起来，而空气感染了笑意，也变得明媚柔和。我眨眨眼睛，想将她的笑脸摄入心底，可她却融化在阳光下，消散在风里了。

她竟这样消散在风里了！

我回想，从破碎的记忆中想挽救一些我们共同的回忆，却只是徒劳。想起的，是你的只言片语，傻傻的笑容，及那分离时不经意的蹙起的眉，可我竟无法在脑海中勾画出你的完整的图像。是了，何尝是你消失在风中？是我，是我将远去离别，将一切的回忆抛弃。

消散在风中的，其实是我呀！



（熬夜调试代码着实累人，胡诌几笔）